Domestic violence, otherwise known as Intimate Partner Violence, can be tricky to detect. It typically happens behind closed doors, and most often than not, abusers appear to be charming, responsible, and good members of the community. Behind the mask, however, are years of domestic abuse, be it in the form of physical, emotional, sexual, or financial abuse. Despite the presence of laws against domestic violence, sadly, many cases go unreported. Rape is the most under-reported crime. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police. And not surprising, is the data revealing nearly 1 in every 10 women in intimate relationships have been raped by their partner.
These alarming figures show how common domestic abuse is, yet it’s an issue that’s often kept hush-hush because of the stigma that goes along with this type of crime. Many victims of abuse are controlled, threatened, and find it difficult to find help. Many victims are not even aware that they’re being abused. They often question themselves if abuse is happening, and therefore, don’t seek help and stay in the relationship. If you think you are being abused, or you believe a loved one is, this article will help you determine the signs of domestic abuse, and how to seek help.
Recognizing Abuse
Abuse doesn’t happen overnight. When you meet someone and you create a romantic relationship, abuse and control don’t occur right away. In some cases, there are signs that a person may be controlling or violent, but the first few days or weeks are usually pleasant. Most cases of abuse happen gradually, making it difficult for the victim to recognize the signs. For an outsider looking in, these signs can be blatantly obvious. But for the victim, it can take time for that person to recognize that abuse is happening in the relationship.
If you’re in a relationship and you think you’re being abused, it’s important to know that abuse is not limited to physical violence. There are many different kinds of abuse, such as emotional, sexual, and financial abuse. All of these kinds of abuses can be the basis to file a domestic abuse case with your partner. It must also be noted that domestic abuse is not exclusively limited within romantic relationships. It can also happen within families, such as between parents and children, siblings, and other family members.
Signs of Abuse
Physical abuse is the most commonly known type of domestic abuse in intimate relationships. It’s the most common because it’s the most reported. Most abuse lawyers handle physical abuse cases that go to court. However, many of these cases do not go to trial because many victims and witnesses do not testify. Physical abuse can include punching, kicking, slapping, or any kind of physical assault.
Meanwhile, sexual abuse in intimate relationships consists of being forced to engage in sex or sexual acts against your will. There’s also emotional abuse, and this can include calling you names, shouting, making you feel ugly, putting you down, insulting you, and even isolating you from friends and family. Emotional abuse breaks down your self-esteem and confidence, making you feel worthless and questioning your own decisions.
If you are financially dependent on your partner, financial abuse is common. This includes not giving you your own money, not allowing you to work, not allowing you to have your own savings account, or on the other end of the spectrum, if your partner is financially dependent on you, taking advantage of your hard-earned money by spending or wasting it.
Seeking Help
If you believe you are being abused and you decide to seek help, you don’t need to worry. There is help and organizations, government agencies, and loved ones are willing to help you. It can be scary and terrifying to think about leaving your abusive partner, and sometimes, you just want to end the abuse and not the relationship. You might think the person will change if you only did this, or did that, but usually, if a person is abusive, they won’t change, and the longer you stay, the more severe the abuse will be. But you don’t have to take a big step right away. Talking to a confidant or counselor can be your first step. Seeking help doesn’t have to be overwhelming. You can take your time and build the courage to stand up for yourself.
Fleeing From Your Abuser
If it’s an emergency, you need to call 911 or your local police station. If you are being physically abused, you need to seek medical help and file a domestic assault report. You can also file a restraining order to keep your partner away from you. If you’re suffering from emotional abuse, seek a counselor or a loved one, friend, or family member you can talk to. Let them know what is happening and when the time comes you decide to leave, they can be the very first person you call.
If you’ve decided to leave, you need to create a safety plan. Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. In fact, most abusers reach their violence threshold at the end of a relationship and many victims of abuse become victims of homicide. Never inform your abuser you’re leaving. Do not inform mutual friends, family members who are close to your abuser, and anyone who may contact your abuser about any information you share. You also need to find a place to go, which your abuser cannot find. You can try local women’s shelters, crisis centers, or you can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) which can offer referrals to resources in your locality.
Domestic abuse is both a criminal and civil crime. No one deserves to be abused and the sooner you recognize the signs of abuse in your relationship, the sooner you can seek help and leave. Whether you’re being physically, emotionally, sexually, or financially abused, you are covered by the law and you can fight for your rights and seek the justice you deserve. And you are not alone. It may be scary, but believe that there is help out there and you can create a better life for yourself.